This time last year I was considering maybe doing an exchange to Portugal, but wasn't completely sold on the idea. And now I've been here for a month! Only two months left here now and then I'm away again...it's a bit crazy, really, how fast time goes and how much can change in what feels like a short time.
Portugal has been lovely so far - it's really nice to be somewhere new again and to experience a new city and to be able to go back to cities like Lisbon and Porto and recognize things and remember what was good. The language barrier, which I keep meaning to diminish and yet never seem to find time to put much effort towards, makes things challenging sometimes, but overall it's been alright. I've got the basics down anyway - glass of wine, please, cup of coffee, cup of coffee with milk, and yes. What more do I need, really?
I'm supposed to be writing my thesis here, and it's been going fairly well, but I'm having THE hardest time concentrating today...hence this post. And the random instagram updates of food and espresso cups.
Some friends from Swansea were just here for a visit, and it was so nice to catch up again and have some conversations beyond the basic niceties, you know? I think because I know I'm going to be here for only three months I'm not making much of an effort to get to know people very well. Which I realise is a bit ridiculous, but it's also a bit easier to work on the thesis if I'm not frequently tempted by socialness. So it's probably for the best. In any case, the self-imposed solitude definitely made it all the nicer to see good friends again...
It's odd - working (or not working, as is the case at this moment) on this thesis has me both terrified and excited. Excited because I can't wait for a change - I love trying something new and moving to a new place, meeting new people, learning new things and all of that kind of stuff, and excited for that completely free feeling you get when you're able to move on from something that's been hanging over you for literally years. But I've discovered that I'm also totally scared - scared that I won't finish, scared that if I do finish it will be horrible and people will think that I have no idea what I'm talking about, scared that I won't find something to do afterwards, and rather terrified of finding a job outside of academia and sucking at it. Apparently what I feel is called imposter syndrome, according the Globe and Mail, although I have a feeling it's more just me being ridiculous. Still, it's nice to be able to assign a name to those feelings when I'm being self-critical.
Anyway, I'm sure it'll be fine - the thesis will get done, I know. And I'm too excited about too many things to be horrible at all of them! It's statistically impossible (well, not impossible, but definitely improbable) - so I'm bound to find something after this that I can do well and enjoy. At the very least I can work at Starbucks, and I'd probably love it. I hear they even give their employees free coffee - imagine the flood of instagram photos :)
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